Office Hijinks
by NeedWings2Fly
Summary: Just a funny little one shot. Babe hea if you squint. Cupcake neutral.


Anything you recognize doesn't belong to me at all and I'm just borrowing it. Some of this story came about because some friends and I actually did a lot of this at my work (not the computer prank and costumes but the rest minus the romance). Thanks for reading. :)

My name is Stephanie Plum. I'm a 5'7", 125 lbs (on a good day), Italian Hungarian Jersey girl from Trenton. I've been working at Rangeman Inc for about six months and I'm at my breaking point. I work in a little cube; at least it's the one at the end, in a quiet office full of men. I have been single since I started working here (Morelli couldn't handle the job), the sugar is no longer taking care of things (think jelly doughnut hormones), and I'm bored out of my skull. Usually, the owner of Rangeman, Ranger can distract me but he has been out of town for the last two months. Just thinking about Ranger, all six feet of mocha latte Cuban American with silky black hair in a ponytail with muscles on top of muscles, made me have to fan myself. So yesterday I made a plan that I am calling 'Operation Amusement', today my plan is being put into effect.

I waited until the morning meeting of the core team started at eight to do the first part of my plan. As soon as the conference room door closed, I pulled out the forty Pez dispensers that I got from my friends Mooner and Dougie, velcroed them all around the walls inside my cubicle, and took some pictures. I followed this up with an email that I sent to everyone in the building except Tank and Ranger.

To: Rangeman Trenton

From: bombshell 

Subject: You're Opinion

Body:

Please pick one and email me your answer. Be sure to include the logic behind it.

Which would win in a fight?

One Light Saber (without additional use of the Force)

Or

One Star Trek Phaser

Thank You,

Stephanie a.k.a Bomber, a.k.a Bombshell, a.k.a Beautiful, a.k.a Little Girl, a.k.a Angel, a.k.a Babe (Stop with the nicknames already :))

I began to receive responses almost immediately since it's a question that gets most people involved. I ran a few searches while reading the responses and laughing because the merry men had some interesting logic behind their opinions. After an hour the conference room door opened and Lester came straight to me.

"Beautiful, if I give you my answer and the logic behind it do I get a prize?"

"Why Les, no meow you don't get a prize. It's a simple meow question."

After he answered, I watched Lester walk away shaking his head, looking confused. Another part of my plan is to say 'meow' as part of normal conversation today. It should prove interesting. I went back to completing my searches and reading the guys responses. After a while I got thirsty so I decided to go to the break room and meow at some more people, maybe throw in a few other weird things just to spice things up. I walked into the break room and saw Cal looking in the fridge. I smiled to myself.

I walked up to Cal's back and in as deep and gravelly a voice I could manage I said, "I'm Batman" than casually walked to the cabinets to examine the contents. I watched from the corner of my eye as Cal jumped and looked at me.

"Angel, did you just say you're Batman?"

"Why Cal, meow I don't know what you're talking meow about. I'm just looking for a meow snack."

"Angel, did you just say 'meow'?"

"Cal, of course I didn't say meow. I'm not a meow cat."

Cal shook his head, grabbed a bottled water, and left the break room. As soon as he was gone, I did a happy dance. The work day was more fun already. I went back to looking for my snack and Hector came in. I turned and smiled at him, "Hola."

"Hola Angelito."

"Hector, would you like to help me? We could both have some fun."

"Si, I help." Hector than took me by the arm and hauled me to his domain on the second floor.

"Hector, I was looking for a good snack."

He handed me a box of butterscotch crumpets, "Si, I have better snacks."

"Te amo Hector."

"I help you now."

I sat in his extra chair and told him my plan to mess with the guys. After we stopped laughing, he said "Si Angelito that is fun."

I watched as Hector got to work on his computer putting my plan into effect. I watched as he set the network up to send the theme song from "Robin Hood: Men in Tights" to all of the computers to be played mostly at the next log in. The monitor room computers would play it in ten minutes. After he was done, we headed up stairs to watch Woody and Hal on the monitors. We arrived about a minute before the song played. The guys were dumbfounded. Hector and I were laughing so hard that we had to hold on to each other to stay off the floor. Tank walked into the monitor room after hearing the song and us laughing.

"Bomber, Hector my office now."

We followed the big guy to his office and sat down while he shut the door.

"What did we meow do wrong big guy?"

Tank ran his hand over his face and said "Steph, you know you can't mess with the computers with Hector's help."

Hector decided to play to, "Jefe, we did meow not a thing to the computers."

"If you two didn't do it, than we have been hacked."

"Or maybe it didn't actually play from the computers big guy. Maybe there are gizmos meow hidden that play the song with a certain action. Is that possible Hector?"

"Si Angelito, it meow possible."

"Both of you stop saying meow" Tank barked.

"Me no say meow. I not a pussy cat", Hector stated.

"I'm not saying meow. I'm not a cat. Are you under a large amount of additional stress lately big guy? Maybe that's what's making you hear 'meow' meow."

Tank ran his hand over his head again, "The only additional stress I have lately is from you today. Just behave please, I'm begging you."

"I'll try big guy but no promises."

Hector and I left Tank's office laughing. We went back to the second floor than dissolved in giggles again. I sat up straight quickly.

"Hermano, I have a wonderful idea."

"Si Angelito, what it is?"

"I'll tell you while we eat lunch." I grabbed his arm and dragged him to the garage where we saw Lester and Binkie.

"All three of you get in my car now! I have a plan for fun."

Lester wagged his eyebrows at me, "Leave them out of it Beautiful and I'll make sure you have a ton of fun." Binkie smacked him up the side of the head than we all got in my car. We had lunch at Shorty's then made another stop where we rented what was needed and changed clothes. After pulling into the Rangeman garage, we all got out of the car and resumed our normal workday; however, I was dressed as Wonder Woman, Lester as Superman, Binkie as Captain America, and Hector as the Green Lantern. We all acted like we were in our Rangeman uniforms. We all walked onto the floor on five and were met with complete silence. Tank came out of his office to see why it was so quiet and stared at us in utter disbelieve. We just kept walking and went to our cubes or in Hector's case, the break room. Everything stayed really quiet for about fifteen minutes when we heard Tank yell "Why does shit like this only happen when I'm in fucking charge?" than slam his office door behind him. We all busted out laughing. The afternoon was slowly creeping by with me, Lester, Binkie, and Hector all saying 'meow' as part of normal conversation. About two hours before quitting time, the floor got really quiet again than I knew we were in deep trouble.

"Babe, why are you dressed as Wonder Woman?" I looked up at Ranger in my cubicle entrance and sighed.

"Welcome home Batman. This place is boring and no fun. So we are spicing things up a bit. It was all my idea so you can't kill or ship off anyone else."

"Who else is dressed up babe?"

Tank walked up at that point and said, "Lester is Superman, Binkie is Captain America, and Hector is Green Lantern. I can't take this shit anymore man. They or should I say she doesn't pull this crap with you here. I'm going on vacation effective immediately." Then he walked away and off the floor.

"Babe, my office."

I followed Ranger to his office and felt like I was going to the principal's office but I wasn't going to cave.

"So how much trouble am I in? Do I need to pack before you ship me to a country ending in 'stan?"

To my surprise Ranger started laughing, "Babe, you're not in trouble and you don't need to pack. The Pez dispensers need to come down though. The costumes are fine for today but no more till Halloween."

I sat there with my mouth dropped open in disbelieve.

"Shut your mouth babe before you catch a fly. Wanna prank Binkie and Lester?"

"Oh my God, yes!" I was bouncing in my chair in excitement.

"Stop bouncing Babe, you're distracting me. You need to get them both alone somehow and stun them. I'll move them and we'll take it from there."

"You're on Batman." I ran from the room and asked Binkie to help me get something out of the trunk of my car. As soon as we were in the elevator, I stunned him and called Batman to meet us in the garage. After leaving Binkie with Batman, I took the elevator to two and called Lester to come help Hector and I with something. What he didn't realize was that Hector was on six fixing something for Ella.

"What's up Beautiful? Where's Hector?"

"Hector is fixing something for Ella" I said.

Lester came closer, "Ah so you just wanted to get me alone for some Lester loving."

I sighed, "Get over yourself Lester. I would have sex with an alien from outer space genetically crossed with a midget stripper and a horse before I would touch you" with that I stunned him with glee. I called Batman who came to the second floor immediately.

Batman tossed an unconscious Superman over his shoulder and said, "Come on Wonder Woman."

As Batman walked away I couldn't resist and used the Lasso of Truth to get him across the butt.

Ranger turned around, "Did you just smack my ass with your lasso? Paybacks are a bitch Babe."

I followed Ranger to the holding cells in the basement and saw Binkie on a cot but he wasn't in his Captain America outfit anymore, he was dressed as a very unfortunate looking baby wearing a giant diaper and bonnet.

"Ranger, where did the giant diaper and bonnet come from?"

"They are from a prank years ago. I have an even better outfit for Lester. Stun them both again."

I stunned them both then watched as Ranger stripped Lester and put him in a hideous dress that hardly covered anything on him. He handed me a camera and set to work posing them both in weird ways. We got pictures looking like Lester was giving Binkie a bottle, Les spanking Binkie over his knee, and the best one of Lester changing Binkie's diaper. We took pictures in lots of embarrassing poses. Ranger stunned them both again before leaving the room after telling me to wait a minute. He came back in a Batman costume and all I can say is yummy.

"Yummy Batman. What's the rest of your plan?"

He threw each of them over a shoulder and said, "Get the elevator button Babe. We are delivering the baby and mama."

We got them into the back of an SUV and headed to the VFW where they had poker night happening. I knew this because my dad went to the games every week. We pulled up and Batman grabbed up both guys. I got the door and we walked in.

"A present for you gentlemen to do with as you want." He put both Lester and Binkie the baby in chairs and we left laughing.

Right before we got to the SUV, Batman kissed me softly and asked, "Hey Wonder Woman, how about that Someday being today?" and I kissed him harder.

Batman and Wonder Woman got into the Bat SUV and drove off into the sunset. Hey it's not an invisible plane but it works.

End!


End file.
